so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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