Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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