You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
