I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
