i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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