At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize