we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
