Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Houston, we have a squirter
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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