id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
