She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
