My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
