Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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