can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
