Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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