I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
