So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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