Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
