Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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