hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
