Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
