Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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