Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
