Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
