I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
