My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He did a backflip because drugs
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
