Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
