There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
