So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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