The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
