Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
