Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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