Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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