I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
