i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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