could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
