so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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