I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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