my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
