There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
