the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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