You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
