my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize