How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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