you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize