bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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