apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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