I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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