mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
