i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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