I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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