This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
