I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
