he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
