Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
