phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
