Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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