you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
