Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
