My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drake has all the answers
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
