Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i believe in u and ur pee
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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