can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
