The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So much Jack, so little girl.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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