doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize