My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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