i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
