Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
