Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Small penises have feelings too.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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