I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize