i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
