erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize