i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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